We learn 75 percent of all we know through listening and spend up to 80 per cent of our conscious hours using four basic communication skills:

Writing
Reading
Speaking
Listening

Listening accounts for more than 50 per cent of that time, so we're actually spending 40 per cent of our conscious time just listening. We tend to give little attention to the listening part of the communication process, which is amazing considering the facts stated here. On average, people retain only 25 per cent of what they hear

Poor listening is caused by:

  • Selective inattention
  • Selective memory
  • Expectations of people and their familiarity with the topic
  • Fear of being influenced or criticised
  • Bias
  • Boredom
  • Listening only to words

We perceive listening as a passive activity and find the prolonged concentration required impossible to maintain. The average person speaks at about 130 words per minute, whereas our thinking speed is about 500 words per minute. Consequently, we are continually jumping ahead of what is actually being said. We often, therefore, go on "mental walk-about", thinking of other things.

We don't clear our minds beforehand so the "noise in our system" shuts out or distorts what is being said.

The listener is tense with emotion so that his or her ability to listen is seriously impaired.

We are concerned with our reply so that the concentration is on this rather than what is being said to us.

The perception of the listener may so differ from the perception of the talker that a totally different interpretation of the information may occur.

Effective listening requires practice and depends on wanting to hear.

Good listening is an active, participatory skill.

Listen for more than facts.

Use speed of thought to your advantage.

Reserve judgement on subject and/or speaker(s).

Don't let poor delivery undermine benefits.

Active Listening is a technique to develop listening skills by getting the sender of the message involved with the receiver to create a two-way communication. The steps in active listening are:

A sends a message
B receives a message. This involves concentrating fully on what is being said
B states what s(he) has understood but makes no evaluations
A either agrees with B's interpretation or, if not, sends the message again
This process is continually repeated until understanding by both parties has been achieved

Two techniques that can help us become more competent at active listening are:

Summarising

This is concerned with the factual side of the message and involves stating back to the speaker the listener's understanding of the information. This paraphrasing should take place at regular intervals and has the advantage of:

Checking Understanding

Offering opportunities for clarification.

Showing the speaker that you have been listening to what has been said, thus demonstrating your interest.

Giving the speaker feedback on how well the message has been expressed

Useful phrases are:

  • "As I understand it, what you are saying is ...."
  • "So your point is that ...."

Reflecting

This is like holding a mirror in front of the speaker, reflecting back phrases as you hear them. This increases clarity and lets the speaker know that you are hearing accurately. You may be reflecting back data or feelings. In the case of the latter, recognition of the speakers feelings builds an empathy between you.

Non Verbal Communication

Active listening is greatly enhanced by the judicious use of non-verbal communication, which includes:

  • The receiver making eye contact with the speaker 60 - 80 per cent of the time
  • Nodding and shaking the head when appropriate
  • Mirroring the speaker's body language, although it is important not to "mimic" the speaker's posture

Research has shown that we take in 7% by words, 38% by tone of voice and 55% from body language. That means that HOW something is said, and HOW they hold themselves reveals more than what they say.

Good listening brings its own rewards

  • You will gain as much information as possible
  • Misunderstandings, problems, or disagreements are minimised
  • Work and relationships improve through effective listening

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